Letting go of someone you love…
When my father handed to me the long brown envelope I knew then that it would be the right time. There’s no turning back. My families and friends were right after all. It’s time to move on. It’s time to let go.
I fix my eyes to the beautiful lady in the picture frame. I felt an abrupt aching. I take a deep breath. I close my eyes. And when I opened it, yes, I know, it’s time to let go.
All my life I have been yearning and loving for one woman. Cindy.
I started courting her when we were still in our secondary years. I was on my junior year while Cindy was a sophomore. Even at my young age, it didn’t deter me to consider that my feeling for her was "real love”. But of course, I didn’t forget that my first precedence was my study. But despite those considerations, it didn’t hinder my motivation to show her how I am fond of her and the willingness to show my special passion for her. And I’m really glad to know that it seems the feeling is mutual.
I know it’s not yet the right time to take things seriously. So I respected her decision to enjoy the special bonding and closeness we felt for each other. The chance of getting to know each other. Even without those commitments. And I did promise to her that I am ready and willing to wait until she will finally say her “yes” to me. Until we think that it is the right time.
I really took an effort of winning her. I courted her families and relatives. I befriended all her friends. I did take time to know everything about her. And God knows, I really did my best to prove her that my intentions are authentic and sincere.
Even when we parted ways right after graduation, I never stopped loving her. I took my course in the city while Cindy remains in the province and took her vocational course. I’m taking Bachelor of Science in Marine Transportation (BSMT) .
Despite the distance, I always see to it that she’s always remembered. I never fail to call her. I never fail to send her messages.
Cindy is all that matters that I’ve become the bunch of tease of my classmates and friends. Joking me that I would really missed one half of my life. It’s because I keep myself of joining them in their gimmicks and outings. Every weekend and during no classes, even it cost me too much; I always went home in the province just to be with Cindy. This has become my routine. But it doesn’t matter.
When both of us graduated from our course, I went back to the province and prefer to help the family business. But of course, I know that it was Cindy all along why I choose to come back and turned my back to the great opportunity that has been offered to me. The opportunity to work abroad and to travel around the world. I even forget that, that was a childhood dream. Thank God, my parents and families never fail to show their support to me though I knew that right from the start; it’s their dream also to see me achieve and pursue my dreams.
But it’s been almost seven years now; I never received her “yes”. I’m not blind. And I can really feel it. The feeling is mutual. She also cares for me. She loves me. She doesn’t even have a boyfriend.
But why is it every time I asked her to make our relationship official, she always had her line “Just wait” or “There’s no need to be in a hurry” or “Just take our time”?
Aren’t seven years enough of being friends to budge or go further beyond friendship? What more I need to do? Are all my efforts aren’t enough? How could Cindy tell him that the feeling is mutual when she’s not yet set to give him the words he’d been longing for? Yes, she may loves me the way she used to say but why she makes me felt left hanging and don’t know where to place myself? What’s the real score? Does she really love me?
Or just like what my friends told me, if she really does, then things wouldn’t have to be this way. Loving isn’t bad, I take risk, but I should have known better. I should have known when it still okay or when it is not. I should have known when to stop.
And seeing those long brown envelopes, I knew then that it is the right time to put an end to my attempt. As I packed all my clothes, I can feel the certain weight inside me. It hurts. But my heart says, “I’m tired,”
And when I take a glimpse of Cindy’s portrait, I whisper the most painful word I ever uttered.
“Goodbye Cindy…I couldn’t wait for you anymore…I’m letting you go”
“Goodbye Cindy…Welcome world…Welcome my dreams. Finally…”
mingaw lagi dri dj tara,mkarelax
ReplyDeleteim touched...dle sya true story pro i think gi-relate nimu na sa imu true life!! :)
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