Now That You’re Gone

Happy even if you bleed within…

Maybe that’s what love is all about…

It is not just all about being happy being together, it’s not about yourself, but accepting that, even a person can never be yours, yet seeing them happy with someone they love, no matter how painful it is, you only wish nothing but their happiness…

Loving on the other hand is sacrificing, and being happy, even if it means you’re not part of it…

And…loving sometimes comes too late, too late that you only grasped the worth of someone when they’re already gone and feeling the pain when they were on the other arms.

Ironic but true, you’ll recognize the importance of a thing or person when they’re gone.

It’s an ominous afternoon.  She could feel the cold wind embracing her. She could sense it’s going to rain.  Mixed emotions filled her at that moment.  She found herself sitting in the lobby; it’s still two o’clock then and taking the pleasure while offing for her next subject.

She took the bliss being there as if she’s on her favorite rest, an overlooking picturesque where she could take a better look nearby.
She can’t help but formed a smile on her lips as her eyes meander around.

Public has their own dealing. Students’ walking, shouting, giggling, laughing, and even gossiping, yeah, beside her were two ladies doing the scenario unmindful if somebody’s listening to them.  She smiled acridly, people just can’t admit that somebody’s better than them.  On the other side, a cute and mushy couple without hesitations shows their affection exchanging words of adores.

 And it clout her, throbbing pain crammed her. Many times she witnessed what love can do; it may wane and hurt you in many ways but she can’t blame people still taking risk of loving again, because it’s true after all, love is such the greatest and wonderful feeling.

Heedless, her eyes engrossed with the two approaching pair heading to her direction.  God knows how she wanted to disappear at that moment.  She’s not yet ready on this.  She braces herself.  Crying may packed her at that instant but hell, not in front of these people!  A certain stab overflowed her.

Unintentionally, her yes fixated on the gesture they showed, his hands proudly hold the lady’s waist, beaming and showing to the whole world a man sign of being in love.  How could she be stupid not seeing his value???

She had him before, but she let him slipped away.  And just like a common scenario in the movie, instant flashbacks get in the way.  She flicker her eyes many times and nibble her lower lip to keep away from crying.

She had him before.  How lucky that woman can be, she was given a chance to experienced how being loved by him but she just took it for granted.

She was wooed, she was cosseted, and she’s treated like a princess.  She loved him yes, but the feeling of knowing he’s “always there” made her lenient and loosens.  He never stops showing.  He never stops admiring.  He never stops caring.  He never stops loving.

He was a best friend who took the risk of letting her know that he loves her ignoring the idea what could be the cost after all.  He gambles even knowing that somehow, the price maybe is losing their friendship.  She commended his bravery.

And she thought, he’ll never stop loving.  She thought.  She smiled bitterly.  How could she be foolish?

She never had recognized it not until the day, she felt his distant.  And she never really felt she was losing him not until taking a spectacle that the man who adored and loved her for many years, the man she realized she love is now on the other woman’s arm.

And the most painful part, is when hearing the words of giving up, the words of revelation, the realization, and the admittance that he is moving on and ready to face life again now that he found his true love and even thanking her for all her rejection.

It hurts.  It mars.  So deep that she felt like dying.

She managed to smile, as hard as she could, now that they’re coming closer.  In many times, she thanked that she mastered her theater class.  Acting is not bad after all.  Just for a bit.

She winked her eyes again, to keep that tears that started to blur her sight.

And as they came face to face, she could feel another pang of pain, seeing him now an inch closer, with another woman, she could not stop the urge to hug him and drew him closer, just the way it used to be.

He just pays a small exchange of hi’s and hello’s…  And why his being casual hurts too much?  And it upset her how his hands softly and gently laid on that woman’s’ waist.

A minute of exchange pleasantries had ended.  Yeah it’s just a matter of minute but why it seems like a decades?

As they went away, those tears she controlled from falling freely gush from her eyes.  The twinge is excruciating.  Her eyes followed them, with so much regrets in her heart, realizing that she could be that woman he’s holding if she had not been that silly enough.

As her eyes becomes more misty, no matter what, she still cope as she release a very authentic yet a very bitter smile, deep inside, she’s brave enough to confess that he truly deserves to be happy.

As a friend, a real friend indeed who truly loves him now, could only wish nothing but his happiness even if it thrice hurts inside.

Nah…..who said loving is all about being happy for oneself???

And as she looks up, she notice then it’s raining.  She smiled acridly.

She’s crying…It’s raining…

And just like the gloomy weather, the rain, her heart also feels the depressing thought that she can’t have him back, that all she could do is to shed tears and let it go, coz just like the saying goes, there's always a sunshine after the rains.

And nah, she’s hoping it could be too soon…hopefully...